The shit’s really been hitting the fan in the last 24 hours.

Samoa shook from an 8.3 earthquake and was hit by a deadly tsunami.  I ate some of that once.  Made me puke.  I think it was spoiled.  I don’t eat Japanese anymore.

Then Indonesia said “You guys can’t know how to do tsunamis.  Here, watch this.”  So they tried to one-up them with their own earthquake, but only got it up to 7.6.   Not so much as a ripple in the coffee cup, but they killed a shit load of people trying.

Vietnam and the Philippines are getting hammered by typhoons.  Typhoon Parma is a Cat 4 as I speak and they are predicting a Cat 5.  FUCK!  That’s the second Cat 5 over there in the last few weeks.  It’s a cesspool of activity this year.  WTF, Chuck?  I get my intel from the Tropical Storm Risk guys. 

Turns out a skull fragment the Soviet Union thought was Hitler’s was a woman’s.  Know how they figured it out?  The brain cavity was larger than a man’s.

Will Ferrell is having another kid.  Who would even fuck that dude?

Melissa Etheridge is still cancer free.  She said she pays closer attention to the food she puts in her mouth, but she’s still munching carpet.  Who would even fuck that dude?

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are still on.  Now you and I both know that because they had to bring that up, if it’s not already over, it will be soon.

Miley Cyrus has strep throat.  God, why couldn’t it have been Jillian Michaels?

Dennis Hopper was hospitalized with flu-like symptoms.  He was wearing an oxygen mask when they wheeled him in.  That wasn’t oxygen.

Peter Fonda said the authorities are wasting their time arresting Roman Polanski.  He said they should go after Dennis Hopper.

An unresponsive pilot crashed in Indiana as F-16′s chased his ass.  Now that Bush is out of office there’s no one telling these pilots which buildings to hit.

True stuff.  I ain’t making any of it up.  Thank you, drive thru.