I came across some really screwy Google AdSense behavior the other day.  I Googled something.  Can’t remember what it was.  For conversation’s sake, let’s say it was for lawnmowers.  After that I was doing some work on one of my fitness blogs. 

The AdSense ads I have on my blog always display ads relative to my fitness content.  After I had written a post and published it, I visited the post to make sure everything was OK.  Guess what shows up in place of the usual fitness ads?  You got it, lawnmower ads.

It just happened again.  A friend of mine in IL said her brother was moving to Orange County, CA.  She asked me what was there.  So I Googled it and told her.

Then I was reading an article on www.ezinearticles.com about metal detectors.  I followed the link to the metal detector site.  That site had a link to www.free-backlinks.net  I noticed the AdSense link unit on the right side of the page.  Take a look at what showed up…Orange County.  What the fuck is up with that?

UPDATE:  August 30, 2010

As of this morning, I now know what’s happening.  I read it in the paper this morning.  Funny how shit just falls into my lap within hours or days of an event.  Happens to me constantly.

This whole thing is called “remarketing” and Google’s, per se, is not doing it.  It’s a feature of AdWords that is available on the campaign level via the Audiences tab.  Creating an audience list is a lot like getting code for displaying AdSense on your site.  An audience list is nothing more than a title and an optional description assigned to some code that Google generates that you insert into your web pages.  This code is called a “tag”. 

For every page that includes a tag, a visitor’s computer gets cookied.  So if I’m running a website for adult toys, not that I would ever do something like that, as the visitor went about their business surfing other sites that displayed AdSense ads, my dildo ads would display, hence, the remarketing of your website.

This has some pros and cons.  The whole thing about AdSense is to get paid when someone clicks on the ads on your site.  If you do your homework, you can create highly targeted niche websites that attractive some very expensive advertising and it can be quite profitable.  I know of several people who generate well over $400/day just in AdSense revenue.

Anyhoo, so lets say I’m a niche marketer and do my homework and get $2.50/click per ad on a site.  This actually is something I’m already doing on one of my sites and yes, each click is getting me $2.50.  Then let’s say someone on my site gets remarketed for dog collars because they were on the PetsMart site looking for dog collars.  And let’s say that dog collar ad only gets me .10/click.  That’s fucked up!  Remarketing has the potential for pushing out the high paying ads on MY site.  It’s basically some other business forcing THEIR advertising on MY site.

AdSense is supposed to be about displaying ads relative to MY content, not traipsing mud across my website from some shithole mud puddle on some other asshole’s website the visitor just came from.  Leave your fucking boots at the front door, fucker.  It’s stealing traffic.  It’s graffiti on my site.  It’s like some band plastering their posters over the top of some other band’s posters on fucking Sunset Blvd.  It’s evil and there are a lot of ad networks doing this, not just Google.  Get the shovel.

Anyhoo, in the spring the trees gets these 4″ long caterpillar-like tonsel hanging thingys on them.  The grand kids call them snakes.  They’re full of pollen and make a mess in the yard.  I saw the lawnmower man pull up one day and the yard was tit-deep in them.  I watched him mouth one big FUCK!!! as he stepped out of his truck.  It was comical.

So, what’s this post got to do with cleaning up leaves?  Nothing.  This is for all you rednecks who store junked or wrecked cars in your front yard knowing damn well you’ll never be able to afford to fix them and can’t afford to have them towed away.  Come on, for loud crying out.  Clean up your damn yard so you’ll have room for those giant inflatable vinyl Christmas kreechurs from Walmart this winter.

I’ve got some good news for you.  Have the those old clunkers towed away for free.  I shit you not.  All you gots to do is fill out an online form (you do have the interweb, right) and then they’ll be in touch with you (but not down there, you idiot. save that for your cousin.).  They’ll come and tow away that ’76 Pinto for free and you don’t even have to be home.  In some cases, they’ll even do it with missing DMV papers.

You’ve got two choices.  Both of them come with free towing and have a nationwide network of towing companies willing to take that Ford P.O.S. off your hands.  And yes, they’ll even come to your shit hole town.  They take cars, truck and motorcycles.

1. JunkMyCar – Fast removal of unwanted junk cars
2. BuyMyWreck – They’ll buy your wrecked car

Philadelphia is assessing a business privilege license on bloggers. 
http://apnews.excite.com/article/20100824/D9HPINSO4.html

If a blog takes money for advertising, or sells photographs or other goods, it’s a business and must pay for a license – no matter how little it makes – plus taxes on profits.

Bullshit.  Not according to the IRS, you dip-dots.  Read IRS Is Your Hobby A For-Profit Endeavor? 

So to all of you Philly bloggers…and by the way, why do these dumbasses think that everyone who’s online with a site is a blogger?  What about old school websites?  You see, already they don’t know wtf they’re talking about.

As I was saying…to beat this bullshit “business license”…

1. Register your domain name with NameCheap /" target="_blank">NameCheap and take advantage of their FREE privacy manager called WhoIs Guard.  It will protect your name and address from prying eyes.  The ONLY ones that can pierce the veil of privacy is law enforcement or some asshole with a court order.  WhoIs Guard is free for the first year and only $2.88/yr after that.  Do NOT use goDaddy .  They suck and will charge you around $9/year, plus, you can’t temporarily turn it off if you need to.  NameCheap lets you turn it off and on as many times as you like.
2. Write all of your articles with a pseudo name.  Authors do it all the time.  Case in point, Stephen King used Richard Bachman.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?

About 40 students raise their hands.

That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?

Three students raise their hands.

That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?

Ahmed replied, “Oh shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine. It’s wine that does all that…….Never mind.

Today I see that Intel bought McAfee for $7.68 billion.  Not that it matters anymore because it’s too fucking late, but I hope to God that the Intel engineers are better with software usability than McAfee is.  I’d start by firing every fucking one of McAfee’s programmers.

How about this, they need the money because they’re broke enough to work for a dumbass company like yours. 

Things have a way of “happening” around me.  I’ll be in a situation where I think there’s no way out then suddenly a new door opens for me.  Take this credit check thing, for instance.  Just this morning I was reading yet another article in the paper about illegal discrimination against job applicants and the thought occurred to me – what they really need to make illegal is doing credit checks, especially in this economy where people are losing their jobs, cars, homes and are in way too deep with the credit card companies.

Low and behold, not 15 minutes ago, I noticed an email message from Workforce Week, an employment newsletter I subscribe to.  So I go to the site and my jaw dropped to my chest, much like my tits lay there, sticking to it in this CA heat.  Fucking FINALLY!  Someone’s decided to take action against employment credit checks.  Illinois Bars Job Discrimination Based on Credit History.  It’s about damn time.

“A job seeker’s ability to earn a decent living should not depend on how well they are weathering the greatest economic recession since the 1930s,” Quinn said in a statement. “This law will stop employers from denying a job or promotion based on information that is not an indicator of a person’s character or ability to do a job well.”

I hope more states are not far behind.

Chelsea replied, “Not according to Dad.”

The absolute last straw was when I tried to remove it from my computer this morning.  Went to the control panel to Add/Remove programs.  I get a warning that it will uninstall it and I’ll have no virus protection.  I click Remove and the buttons disappear and nothing happens.  It just sits there like rock.  I couldn’t even delete the folders off the computer because files were in use.  It’s like trying to get rid of an ex-wife when you had kids together.  I’m tired of my computers being held prisoner by their bloatware. 

After a little research, I did find away to get it off.  Long story short, go Google “mcafee removal tool”.  I downloaded it, ran it, and FINALLY it’s off my system.

I installed the free version of Avast instead.  We’ll see what happens.  It sure as fuck can’t be any worse because even though real-time scanning was on, every week when I ran a full scan, it always found viruses.  Beats me wtf they were because I also couldn’t figure out how to find that out, either.

Already that computer is running faster.  However, now I see the free version is only good for 30 days.  Fuckers.  Time to go back to AVG where free really means free.