Archive for the ‘Stooopid People’ Category

Now don’t forget, it’s not necessary to sterilize the card table chair.  That’s overkill.  It also helps if you work in a hospital or clinic so you can steal the supplies you’ll be needing to do this.

I woke up Monday morning, Aug 2, 2010, to tire tracks across my front yard, across the driveway and onto the other part of the lawn.  Today, Tuesday, I finally walked the length of the tracks because they looked like they went right over the top of a sprinkler head.  Sure as fucking shit.

They must have been spinning the tires because they straight up ripped the Rainbird popup sprinkler right off the riser and buried it into the ground like a corpse, all snug like a brat in a bun.  Mmmm, Oktoberfest is coming soon. 

So I went inside to get my camera to document it.  While taking the pictures I found ANOTHER sprinkler in the same shape, hit by the same mofo tire.  What the fuck are the odds of that happening to two sprinkler heads in the dark?

I’d post the pictures, but my computer’s actin’ an ass again and won’t download them from my camera.  Don’t EVER upgrade a Windows operating system.  Your computer will never be the same.  I know, I know, Cooking Asshole thinks I need a Mac.  I need another computer like he needs another frying pan.

Usually when one house gets hit, others do too.  I’ve been walking in the morning while it’s still cool and haven’t seen anyone else with tracks.  Most people have giant rocks in their lawns to prevent that from happening.  They just happened to find some cosmic worm hole across my yard, but how in the hell would they know that in the dark unless the vortex was shooting sparks out its ass like some beacon whispering “Enter Here”.  Fuckers.  Get the shovel.