Archive for January, 2009

Walmart blessed my life twice today.  By the way, I’m glad they took that star out of the center of their name.  I could never find a keyboard with one.  Anyhoo…

#1  Walmart Pedestrians

Now this really isn’t Walmart’s fault, just the mentality of some of the people that shop there.  The store closest to me is bad for stooopid people and since the expansion of the light rail line into the hood, it’s gotten worse.  Ok, so let’s call it light rail’s fault.

I always drive slowly through the parking lot because of so many stooopid people shuffling around.  Today I stopped right in front of the store to let a lady into the crosswalk.  She was nice about it, too.  She waited to see if I would stop and then thanked me for doing so.  Then I slowly proceeded to drive across the remainder of the white hash-marked pedestrian area, when out of the clear blue sky some bitch presents herself around a blind corner and steps right smack into the hash marks WITHOUT LOOKING FOR CARS.

Now keep in mind, I’m driving S L O W L Y, but I had to abruptly slam on the brakes because I was already damn near on top of her by the time she stepped out from around the corner of the building.  Then she looks at me and mouths PEDESTRIAN CROSSWALK.  I could have shot the skank right then and there.  I wanted to shake the living daylights out of her.

What the fuck is it about people?  It was drilled into our brains as little kids by our parents and teachers, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU STEP INTO TRAFFIC.  Some people think those white lines will somehow physically protect them.  While peds do have the right of way, they also have a legal responsibility to look out for their own safety.  If a cop had been there to see that, SHE would have been ticketed, not me.

That kind of condescending shit makes my blood boil.  Next time she might not be so lucky and she’ll get hit by someone who didn’t have time to stop.  I can just she her big doe eyes now.  She’ll get the shovel, eventually.

#2  BBQ Assembly 101

I like the Uniflame BBQ grills Walmart has.  My old one that I’ve had for six years fell apart.  I HATE putting grills together, but this one was the worse.  When I took the parts out of the box I thought it was going to be a no-brainer because all the bolts, washers and wing nuts where neatly labeled in one little part kit.  Still, it took me 2-1/2 hours because the instructions were HORRIBLE.  Turns out that it really didn’t matter that the parts were labeled because who ever wrote the damn instructions didn’t have the parts right there in front of them to refer to when they were writing. 

The manual called for parts that were not in the kit.  It also referred to parts by letter that were lettered differently in the part kit.  I had to keep reading ahead to make sure I wasn’t using parts for something else I’d need later.  I had to dig into my own stash of bolts to find something that would work for the missing pieces.  Plus, I had parts left over. 

Where’s the quality control on this shit?  Oh wait, there isn’t any BECAUSE IT’S MADE IN FUCKING CHINA!

And this really frosted my ass – after I finished, I was out back with my trusty Stanley utility knife chopping up the box to put it into the recycle container when suddenly I saw in tiny print on the side of the box Free Assembly Available. 

Get the shovel.  China, Uniflame, and the pedestrian are going under.

I’m once again on the verge of spitting blood.  I have EXCELLENT credit.  My FICO score is over 900.  I checked this past December.  Today I got my Citicard credit card statement.  I have a meager $600 balance on it.  I have NEVER missed a payment.  In fact, I ALWAYS pay more, WAY more than the minimum balance due. 

Last month my interest rate was a horrible 11.99%.  Today’s statement says 18.99%.  Seven fucking points in one goddamn month.  So I called to close the account.  That’s it.  Game over.  Fuck you guys.  You pull that kind of shit with outstanding customers like myself and you can go straight to hell. 

The customer service rep said the account will remain open until…whatever the expiration date was…and then it will not renew.  I said NO!  I told him to close it immediately and send me a letter that it’s been closed.

I asked him why the rate increased, especially SEVEN points.  He said it was due to the rising cost of the current financial markets.  I told him, “So because everyone else is declaring bankruptcy, you’re ass raping me to pick up your losses.  I no longer want to do business with Citibank.”

WARNING!!!  WARNING!!!  WARNING!!!  WARNING!!!  WARNING!!! 

People, check the interest rates on your credit card statements.  Get out last month’s statement and make sure you rate hasn’t increased through no fault of your own.  If it’s higher, call those bitches up and get it lowered.  All you have to do is tell them you want the account closed.  Believe me, they’ll bend over backwards and kiss your ass to lower your rates so you won’t leave them.

The economy is BAD, especially financial markets.  Banks are SUFFERING.  Do NOT let them recover their losses out of your pocket.  fuckers.  Get the shovel.